i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
