Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have post one night stand depression
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