Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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