I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
