ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
