Got a toothbrush?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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