Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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