My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
