3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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