thus making me awesome and them whores
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
