So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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