His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
