You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
