He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
