I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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