she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
