Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
