Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
