I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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