my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
