Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They took my balls.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
