I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
