Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
