Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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