I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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