pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
