Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
