i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
