Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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