so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
