it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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