yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
