All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
