it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
