Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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