The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
