eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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