and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
