Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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