Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
