one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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