He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Two words: nipple clamps
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