I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize