My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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