Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
