Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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