He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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