I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
