You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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