I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
