I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The uberlube is also flammable
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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