we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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