I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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