Just fell off a train. Bad.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
