somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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