i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
