somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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