What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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