Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
