The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
