I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it's like iHOP with fire
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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