im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
