I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
