i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
