OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm both gender and math confused
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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