is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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