come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
