Porn is love you can see.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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