She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
