I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
