Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
